#01 Is your relationship missing this crucial space?

For high-achieving couples, home and work aren't enough. Today I'm presenting you a vital concept for reconnecting and strengthening your relationship.

📖 Reading time: 9 minutes

☕ Grab yourself a cup of tea and let’s dive into today’s endeavor

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Hello Intentionalist,

I want you to pause and think about the last time you and your partner were truly together.

I don’t mean sitting in the same room while you answer emails. I don’t mean discussing who’s handling bills or what to make for dinner.

I mean truly, deeply present. Where the only thing on the to-do list was each other.

If it takes you a minute to remember, you are not alone.

So many of us, especially high-achieving couples, find ourselves caught in a relentless cycle. Our homes become centers for domestic management and our work life bleeds into everything else. We build a life that functions efficiently, but we slowly lose the space for the emotional intimacy and shared joy that made us a “we” in the first place.

The unspoken question hangs in the air: In a world that demands constant performance, where can we simply be ourselves?

There’s a powerful sociological concept that offers a solution and it’s something I’ve become obsessed with lately: the idea of a “Third Place.”

The Two Places That Are Squeezing Your Relationship

Sociologist Ray Oldenburg described human life as having three essential environments:

• The First Place: Your home.

• The Second Place: Your work.

• The Third Place: Everything else.

The third place is a neutral ground. It’s the cozy cafe, the bustling park, the quiet library, the vibrant community center. It’s any space where you can simply exist without the obligations of home or the pressures of work.

For generations, these spaces were the bedrock of community and connection. But today, with remote work blurring the lines and digital demands never switching off, many of us are living in a two-place world. We are suffering from a “third place deficit,” and it’s quietly starving our relationships (in general, not just the romantic ones).

Why Your Partnership Desperately Needs a Third Place

When you intentionally step out of your home/work cycle and into a shared third place, something magical happens.

1. You Get Psychological Relief: Stepping into a new setting introduces novelty, which triggers a dopamine release in the brain (that “feel-good” chemical). The dynamic shifts away from tasks and towards genuine, playful presence.

2. You Strengthen Your “Couple Identity”: When you build a ritual (be it a weekly walk in a specific park or a monthly visit to an art gallery) you are actively co-authoring your story. You are reinforcing your identity as a unit, separate from your professional or domestic roles.

3. You Create Lasting Memories: These shared experiences build a reservoir of unique memories that become the foundation for navigating life’s challenges. Without them, a relationship risks becoming just an extension of life’s obligations.

This is where I see my work as a photographer and experiences designer intersect with this profound need. An intentionally designed photoshoot, for example, is more than just taking pictures. It is the conscious creation of a third place, a sanctuary where your only “work” is to reconnect.

Your Turn: A Moment for Reflection

This month, I’m not just sharing the theory. For my paid subscribers, I’ve created the first Connection Toolkit: “The Third Place Audit.” It’s a 10-question worksheet designed for you and your partner to diagnose your current spaces and identify what you miss most.

But for everyone here, I want to leave you with one question to ponder. You can write it down, or even better, ask your partner tonight:

“What is one memory from our past where we felt most like “us” and what was it about that place that made it possible?”

The answer holds a clue to the kind of third place your relationship might be craving.

Find “Your Connection Toolkit: The Third Place Audit” at the end of this essay ↓

📆 Cultural Agenda | October 2025

📍 London

What: An emerging artists collective exhibition where a piece of my conceptual work “Phoenix: a narrative about toxic masculinity” will also be featured.

When: Private viewing & bar on October 23 (if you want tickets message me)

Open to the general public from October 24 to October 26

Where: 157 Regent’s Park Rd London NW1 8BB (nearest tube station: Chalk Farm)

Entrance: free

+ info here soon

📍 Lisbon

What: A series of cultural events and activities in Sintra to celebrate Sintra’s heritage and autumn.

When: Several dates throughout October and November

Where: Several locations in Sintra

Entrance: from 1€

+ info here

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🎭 Currently Recommending

🎞 The Boys (Amazon Prime)

This series is one of those I’ll probably never forget. My hopes where none, if I’m honest. I agreed to watch it because Fernando (my boyfriend) really wanted to watch it and I thought that I owe him that effort after 13 years together.

He told me it was a “anti-heroes series” so I was not amused until we hit play. Within 10 minutes I was shocked and needed to know more!

There is a lot of action, yes, but I think more than an action series it is a psychological thriller. It can be enraging, I spent most of the time angry but also amused because there’s a lot of (dark) humour as well so one does not feel overwhelmingly anger aaaaalll the time.

The parallel between the series and today’s real world is smartly portrayed and the main character (Homelander), although absolutely nuts, makes us want to know more about him. In fact, the actor (Antony Starr) does a terrific job playing such a messed up, complex and psychologically unbalanced character. It reminded me of Joaquin Phoenix as the Joker but on a completely different level!

The last season is still being recorded and will be released during 2026 and I can not wait!

📖 The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid

After spending 8 years without reading fiction I realized my reading habits were not very productive considering I was reading technical books to fall asleep which made me feel I wasn’t absorbing any knowledge at all so I decided it was time to return to the fictional world (at least when it comes to bed time).

I’ve heard a lot of things about The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo but at the same time I didn’t know anything about it. All I knew was that it was a romance and somehow a popular one.

Maybe because of my ignorance, I was not expecting it to be such a powerful piece of art. The way it is written allows the readers to have more of an immersive experience. The “newspaper’s articles” made me feel that I was in fact there, back in the 60’s, actually reading those headlines during my morning coffee.

The main character, Evelyn Hugo, is beautifully portrayed in a very deep way, making us feel that there is so much more to the story from the very first moment. She is, just like we all are, a ver complex person indeed.

This book is an ode to love. Not only romantic love, but also friendship and family love. It touches on complex themes as domestic violence, shame, LGBTQIA+ as a “crime”, grief and “impossible” relationships.

It is incredibly powerful for anyone who is open to step out of their real life for a moment and immerse into the crazy Hollywood universe from the 60’s.

Note: apparently there’s also a Netflix movie based on this romance if you want to give it a try (I haven’t seen it).

🎵 Chelas by Sara Correia

In 2023 I did a work exchange in South Sommerset. My goal was to stay with a British family so I could immerse myself more into the British culture. There was a Spanish guy staying there at the same time.

He was a musician and maybe because of that he insisted that portuguese Fado is always happy.

You see, there are different types of fado but I’ll dare say that none is happy. Even those that have more rhythm are, in fact, sad if one simply pays attention to the lyrics.

Anyway, recently I’ve discovered this song from one of our biggest fado singers of the present time. If you don’t understand portuguese, I invite you to read a translated version of the lyrics here. But what I love the most about this song is how strong and interventive it is.

Chelas is a poor and often considered “problematic” neighborhood in Lisbon. It is a social housing neighborhood. Sara was born and bred there and if we close our eyes we can hear the pain and anger of her upbringing in her voice.

For the past month I’ve been obsessed with this song and I hope you enjoy it, even if you don’t speak portuguese.

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🧡 Your Connection Toolkit | The Third Place Audit

This audit is a short diagnostic exercise designed to be completed together. The goal isn’t to find “right” or “wrong” answers, but to spark an honest conversation about the spaces you share and the ones you might be missing and help you move from there.

Instructions: Find a quiet 20-30 minutes together. Make a cup of tea or pour a glass of wine. For each question, take a moment to think individually first and then share your answers openly with one another. The real magic happens in the discussion that follows each question.

Part 1: Diagnosing Your Current Spaces

Question 1: The “Where Do We Talk?” Inventory » Outside of your home, where have you had your three most recent meaningful conversations? (A “meaningful conversation” is anything that wasn’t about logistics, chores or work updates.)

Question 2: The Energy Audit » Think about your home. What three words best describe the energy of your home on a typical weeknight? (e.g., “Restful, cozy, safe” or “Stressful, cluttered, administrative”).

Question 3: The Weekend Rut Check » When you have a free Saturday with no set plans, what is your default activity as a couple? Be honest. (e.g., “Run errands,” “Watch Netflix,” “Go to the gym separately,” “Work on our laptops side-by-side”, “Doom scroll on the couch”).

Question 4: The “Just Us” Litmus Test » When was the last time you were in a public or social setting together where the primary purpose was simply to enjoy each other’s company, with no other goal or obligation attached? (Mind you: A networking event or a friend’s kid’s birthday party doesn’t count).

Question 5: The Spontaneity Score » On a scale of 1 to 10, where 1 is “completely scheduled” and 10 is “effortlessly spontaneous,” how much room for unplanned connection and play exists in your shared life right now?

Part 2: Identifying What You Miss

Question 6: The “Remember When?” Question » Describe a memory from earlier in your relationship when you felt most connected, alive and “like yourselves” as a couple. Where were you and what were you doing? What did that feeling have that your current routine might be missing?

Question 7: The “If We Had a Place” Dream » Imagine you had a dedicated spot (a “third place”) that was your go-to sanctuary as a couple. What would you do there? What would it feel like? (e.g., “We’d read side-by-side in a quiet cafe,” “We’d have lively debates in a cozy pub,” “We’d people-watch from a specific park bench”).

Question 8: The Shared Identity Wish » Beyond being partners and (perhaps) homeowners or professionals, what shared identity do you wish you had more time to cultivate? (e.g., “Explorers,” “Art Lovers,” “Intellectuals,” “Playful Challengers”).

Question 9: The Emotional Need » If you could inject one of the following feelings into your relationship on a more regular basis, which would you choose?

a) Playfulness & Laughter

b) Quiet & Calm Presence

c) Shared Intellectual Discovery

d) Flirtatious & Romantic Energy

Question 10: The First Small Step » Looking at your answers, what is the smallest, easiest action you could take in the next seven days to create a tiny sliver of a “third place” experience? (This is not a grand plan. Think micro-step. e.g., “Go for a 15-minute walk after dinner with no phones,” “Visit that bookstore we both like for 30 minutes on Saturday”).

After the Audit: Your Next Conversation

Discuss your answers.

• What surprised you?

• Where did your answers align perfectly?

• Where did they differ?

The answer to Question 10 is your starting point. The goal isn’t to fix everything at once but to reclaim your connection, one intentional experience at a time.

With love and gratitude,

Patricia

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